I start writing once again. I don’t count how many times I had to start over, THEY distract me enough. THEY want me to forget what was, what THEY destroyed. Let me just strengthen the salt circle around me, and then I can truly begin.
I can say that I’m very familiar with the esoteric. I knew a lot about THEM, I knew some of THEIR names. I got in contact with one of THEM a few days ago. None of my knowledge helps me understand what is happening, why they want to clenze reality of our presence. All I can do is keep them away from me, and save what few memories I have left, so that something would remain of our home, our land, our time, of us that were.
I remember the cities and the villages. Every place was unique, every city had its culture and every town and village had its own traditions. In the cities there were great gatherings of various people for various reasons, while every week people in the villages would sing and tell stories to one another.
I remember the artists in my city. I didn’t know them personally, but we have all heard of them. There was Eliot who sang old songs, there was Cleo who drew strange yet pretty scenes, that looked like they came out of my occult textbooks. There were many like one and many like the other. I just remembered how they all had the same fate. They were forced to watch as the flames consumed their works, they listened as the fiends made fun of their great successes, and their suffering only came to an end when the flaming beings finally turned them to unrecogniseable ash.
I remember the people of my city. I met many of them at my job. Then they were clients to me, and to them I was a lawyer, but there didn’t need to be anything more. I helped them, and they helped me. We stood together, apart but united. Just like we all stood in fear before the tidal wave of black water only half a dozen hours ago.
I remember Helen, my first love. I remember her long soft black hair and her deep blue eyes full of compassion. I remember Marc, the lucky man who asked her out and married her. I envied him long and hard, I could barely look at him from the hate I felt. Now I know I should have been happy that they found happiness. Helen lived well with him, while she would likely suffer with me like I have. I wanted to save her and bring her into this circle where THEY couldn’t touch her, but before I could grab her by the hand a pack of filthy hellhounds surrounded her, and what a mercy it was that I never saw her again, or whatever remained of her when THEY finished eating. I know it’s a selfish thought, but I know it would all be so much easier if she were here. All the hellish things around me would be farther away, this salt circle would be larger, the salt would last longer. I closed my eyes, I tried my hardest to remember how her body felt in my arms.
“I am here, just a step closer”, I opened my eyes and saw a succubus right on the edge of my protective circle. I took one saltshaker, but seeing it was empty I took another and spilt four teaspoons of salt around me. The ugly demon pretending to be Helen disappeared, and she probably won’t dare to return. Good that I brought two saltshakers. The circle is much smaller now, but I don’t need much room, only for my chair, me and my note.
I remember the weather. I remember when it was sunny, and it would be warm and well lit. I remember when the wind blew, and cooled us all when it was too warm. I remember the rain that brought a plentiful harvest, and I remember the snow, and the snowballs and snowy hills. I remember our holidays. I remember great games and competitions. I remember the day when I first went to school, and the day I finished my education. I remember how I passed my old school only a few weeks ago, and saw the children were playing just like we older ones did when we were little.
I remember my first occult discoveries, my first glances into the beyond, at the unknown. I didn’t believe in it back then. I don’t believe in it now either, nothing in my vast library can explain our fate.
I remember how we all criticised our empire, me especially. We found errors and sins everywhere: government, society, economy, construction, culture, manufacturing, agriculture, everyone who could speak had something to complain about. We thought we were enlightened and advanced because of our all-encompassing critique, but in truth we forgot what riches we had. No, we didn’t have those riches we borrowed those from THEM.
A dozen and one rats entered my room and they began to lick at the salt on the floor. I spilt some more and they stepped away. my time is running out. Maybe I can write one more paragraph before I spend all my salt.
I am surrounded on all sides. I don’t believe there is anyone else alive, certainly not in the same way I am. I am the only one who remembers that our empire ever existed, and this writing is the only piece of evidence it ever existed, and not a very strong one at that.
many people would say if they were still alive, that we deserved this fate. To be destroyed for our sins, that all memories of us be damned, to be the empire that never was. But now I don’t want that fate on my worst enemy. How can anyone read what I wrote here and say that nothing of value was lost?
monsters and demons stand right along my circle. I hear their laughs, their taunts. I took one saltshaker, shook it around me, then I did the same with the other one. THEY just continued on towards me. I have no more salt to spill.